The Journey so far...

So it's quite late in my TTC journey to be starting a blog, but I thought I would give it a shot all the same....

My husband and I married in November 07 and have been actively trying to conceive since then. Prior to that, I was not on the pill or using any protection, we just used condoms as a preventative measure. So it was easy for us to get straight into trying for a baby and I thought things would move quite quickly, even though I knew full well it could take a perfectly healthy couple 12 months to conceive. It is funny how things never seem to go quite as you expect them. 17 months on, we are still no closer to holding our little baby in our arms. We have started our second stage of our journey, which involves seeing an OB, doing a bunch of tests and seeing if anything is wrong.

So far, my husbands SA test seems fine, I've had blood tests done which also seem fine except for a lack of iron which is now being treated. I've had a progesterone test which confirmed I ovulated last cycle and most recently had a HyCoSy test done to check for any blockages in my tubes. Everything seems fine. I was almost disappointed to find nothing wrong so far. I really want an answer, preferably a fixable answer, so we can move forward and fall pregnant. But no such luck.

My OB has now prescribe Clomid, and has recommended I try it for 3 months. During my appointment I was quite dazed as I wasn't expecting the options he provided. He had also suggested a D/C be preformed to removed polyps located in my endo cavity, and also a fertility specialist referral. He said to start with Clomid and then go from there. After having time to ponder all this a little more, I'm really dissatisfied with the Clomid approach. After all, it is a drug used to stimulate ovulation, which from all tests done, is already occurring! So I'm not sure if it is really going to help. So on Tuesday, I need to call the OB and ask for a FS referral, and also get more details and perhaps organise the D/C. I'm just not happy with trying for another 3 months hoping that this drug will work, and THEN organise a fertility specialist appointment which can then take another few months to get! Its just too long.

This journey hurts. I never knew trying to have a child could be like this. I find out another person I know is pregnant, and my heart hurts. I see a newborn, and my arms hurt. I see a pregnant lady, and my stomach aches and I can't look at them. All I have ever wanted was to get married and have children. We went about it all the right way. Got married, bought a house, made sure our finances were in order before trying to have a child. Now everything is ready, the is no child. I don't understand why not. Why not me? Have I been such a bad person that I need to e deprived of this? Would I be such a failure of a mother? I just don't understand.

So hopefully this blog will let me express a few of the feelings I have inside. And hopefully it will turn very quickly from a conception story, to a pregnancy journey. All I can do is hope.